Another letter I didn’t send, but I’m going to keep the train of thought in case I need to catch it again:
“Interesting. I don’t know what happened, but whatever it was, you should ask yourself: did it happen more than once? Did you ever promise her it would never happen again, and if so, did you keep that promise? If not, what would keep you from putting someone else through the same thing? I wouldn’t have asked what happened had you not asked first, and now I’m getting a setup instead of an answer.
If I’ve understood you properly, it would seem you’re asking me to tell you up front whether I’m a forgiving person, or a judgmental person, before you say what happened. This way, any potential moral debate is shifted away from what actually happened and toward whether or not I’ll forgive you for it. Sort of like saying, “Mom, will you love me no matter what?” before revealing a nefarious deed — the goal being that she’ll feel bad about punishing you just after she said she loves you, or that if she goes ahead with whatever normal consequence, you can say, “But you said you love me!” The truth is, love and forgiveness and all those good things do not necessarily require a departure from good judgement.
Your answer in itself threw up some red flags, and I have to do what’s best for my kids and me.”
